


Wanted

by Spfangirlnya



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, F/M, Female Reader, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied Sexual Content, One Shot Collection, POV Female Character, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26488492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spfangirlnya/pseuds/Spfangirlnya
Summary: South Park College AU Oneshot[Goth Michael x F Reader x ???]
Relationships: Leopold "Butters" Stotch/Reader, Michael (South Park: Raisins)/Reader, Pete Thelman/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for friend Forthwrite @Quotev

"Michael baby~" I coo next to him on the floor, poking the side of his cheek. He doesn't respond, as he squints his eyes fully immersed in the novel he is currently reading. "Baby~" I poke him once more, leaning against his arm. He sighs in frustration,moving his bookmark onto the page he's currently on.

"(Y/N), I told you I wanted to finish this book by tonight. Why did you even come here if you're just going to bother me?" Closing his book and placing it on the carpet, he throws back his head onto the mattress behind him. That small action wouldn't be achievable for me since I'm not as tall as him.

"I know, I just wanted some attention," I confess, “you look cute reading."

"You always say that."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

"Can you do me a favor and do something else while I read?" He's not using an angry tone but his urging contains a hint of annoyance.

"Okay." I stand up, feeling apologetic and slipping under the blanket on top of his bed.

"Thanks." He mutters, picking up his book again. Covering my face under his blanket, I inhale his familiar scent, fluttering my eyes closed. I love his scent, I love everything about Michael. He smells the same as when we first started dating in high school.

When we were high school students, I made an conscious effort to purposely bump into him on more than one occasion until he finally learned my name. On my first day of school, I was lost and asked a group of black wearing teens if they could give me directions to the place I needed to be. They stared at me, silently smoking their cigarette, before the tallest teen sighed and offered to show me where it was personally. His handsome features instantly drew me in from his long black coat to his casual walking cane. His black curls parted above his dark eyes made me swoon with his ear pierced with a cross earring. His style and his face was what sparked my curiosity, but after we made small talk, I found him intriguing and soon found myself wanting to know everything about him. I grew infatuated with his sarcasm, blunt honesty, relaxed demeanor, and rebellious attitude.

It took me over a month to gather my nerves to ask him out. The move was bold on my part and I ambushed him, when he was alone behind the school, where he usually hung out with his friends. I mustered up all my emotions and feelings into words that I have repeatedly been rehearsing with my best friend Butters and my reflection in front of the mirror.

"Ma-Michael! I know I'm a conformist but I l-like you! Will you go out with me?"

His dark brown eyes widened, while he quickly processed my confession, not uttering a single word in response. I avoided his gaze, dropping my flushing face to the ground, preparing myself for rejection until he finally opened his mouth.

”Why not,” his deep voice reached my ears, making me snap my head up at him. A cocky smirk graced his pale face as he pulled out a cigarette, offering it to me. After that day, we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, shocking both his friend group and mines. He usually only spent time with his Goth buddies and I mostly vibed with Butters and my fellow girlfriends. I didn't have a specific clique or anything. I’m no social butterfly but I enjoy engaging with all kinds of folks. Everyone didn’t expect us date for long. We have been going steady for years and now we're even attending the same college.

I lift the edge of his blanket, peeking at the back of his head. His soft black curls call out to me, tempting me to reach out to run my hands through them. Michael wouldn't like it if I keep interfering with his reading. My original intention was to just quietly use the internet nearby, but once I came here, I couldn’t resist my desire to get his attention. Whenever I see him or hear his voice, I just want him to look at me, touch me, and think about only me. The last thing I want is for him to say I'm too clingy. That was his first complaint when we first became a couple and thankfully I tried my best for him not mention it again. He shuts his book, placing it on the bedside table next to his phone.

"I can't focus now." He stands up, turning to look at the large lump on his bed. "I can't focus when you're here in my dorm room."

"I'm not even doing anything this time." I grumble, pouting.

"I know Babe." He takes off his black coat, throwing it onto his desk chair and placing himself on the empty spot on the bed. I close the small gap of blanket where my face was exposed. He sighs behind the cloth separating us. "I'm not sure about how I feel about a human burrito girlfriend."

"I won't bother you, I just want to be near you." I say from beneath the cover.

"It's hard for me to focus when you're around. Your presence is enough to distract me." He gently pulls open the blanket between us, joining me underneath and closing any openings. His hot breathe hits my face, making me feel flushed from our enclosed distance. The way he did his make up around his eyes emphasizes his usual apathetic eyes which gives him a sharp gaze.

”We’ve been together for so long and you’re still not used to being alone with me?”

”Not when we can do whatever we want now, whenever we want, with no stupid parents interrupting us.” His breathe makes me shiver when he hovers his lips over mines as he avoids bumping our noses together from years of experience. He senses my growing need to be touched as he closes the distance, brushing his pronounced nose against mine. He deepens our kiss, forcing my lips open with his slick tongue. I pull away to get some air but he pulls my back head in for another kiss. We pull away with a trail of saliva connecting us, inhaling the hot air trapped around us. I pull the blanket off our heads to take in the fresher air.

"If you do that, I‘ll distract you all the time." I whisper, running my hand down his cheek.

"I’ll take a rain check on reading," he exhales, focusing on my lips and pulling my waist closer to him. “This is going to be more fun.” He smirks and moves his hand downwards, as he nibbles on my lips, making me giggle.

I leave Michael's room before his Goth roommate Pete returns. Pete deserves a peaceful night, without muffling another steamy session between Michael and I, with his loud Goth music playing from his speakers. I hurry to the campus cafe to meet my pals, Butters and Heidi, for a coffee break from our demanding class schedules.

"(Y/N)!" Butters waves to me from inside the cafe. Heidi is sitting on the seat beside him and she places her phone down excited to see me.

"Leo! Heidi!" I squeeze them as they return the affection from their seats. "I haven't seen you two in forever! I missed you!" I drop into the empty seat in front of them.

"We saw each other last week, little Buddy." Butters knocks his knuckles together. "Golly, I missed you too."

"Why do you miss me?" Heidi laughs reminding me. "We're roommates (Y/N)."

"Are we? I don't recall seeing you as much since you started dating that handsome _what's his face_." I tease, making her blush.

"Goodness, these tests are driving me crazy. If only Professor Chaos was here, he would burn every single one of these tests, I tell ya."

"Let's please not talk about tests right now" Heidi sighs, biting her straw. "Guess what?" She sits up, looking from me to Butters.

" **What**?" Butters and I jinx each other.

"Guess who I ran into?” She takes a sip from her coffee beverage with a scowl as if it's the drink that she finds displeasing.

"Gee I don't know..." Butters throws out. She waits for us to guess. "Was it Eric?"

"Yes. I ran into that Jerk when I was getting a notebook in the student store. He had the nerve to act like he didn't see me, even though I was right in front of him. He could have at least said hi." She grumbles.

"I'm not surprised. He's still pretty immature, even though we're adults now." I tell her, shaking my head.

"I'm not bitter about our relationship, like he is, but it would be nice if we could at least be friends." She sighs, swirling her straw. “We see each other at the same parties and share some of the same friends. I wouldn’t mind if he talked to me again so it’s not as awkward.”

"That's sounds like the big Fella.” Butters sighs, “he holds grudges even when he's in the wrong."

"Ugh tell me about it...how are you and Michael?" Heidi changes the subject, smiling to me. "I still can't believe you two lasted this long!"

"You and everyone else! We're going strong in spite.” I laugh, cupping my cheeks. “High school sweethearts forever.”

"I'm surprised too.” Butters adds, “no one assumes you two are together until someone tells them. We’re like night and day with the Goths."

"Maybe my soul is Goth." I chuckle. “I’m not Goth but the man I love is.”

"Opposites attract, I always say." Heidi hums from experience, "you two make a cute couple. He's cynical and you're a 'conformist'.” She air quotes, having been labeled as such by him, every time she runs into him. "At least you never changed yourself for him or because of him, like what I did when I was with Cartman. It was seriously a toxic relationship but I learned a lot about myself and now I'm dating someone who matches me like this." She twists her pointer finger and her middle finger into a knot, giving us a cheesy smile.

"Goodness, you two are like the ideal couple. Your boyfriend is great for you." Butters enthusiastically agrees, "unlike Eric."

”You never say stuff like that about Michael and I.” I pout at the Blond as he scratches his head.

”Well, you two don’t exactly scream _we're in love,_ at least, from Michael's end.” Heidi points out.

"That’s how my man is. I admit, you and your bae are super compatible, almost perfect." I watch her blush as she smiles from our words of affirmation. "But you two aren't as cute a couple as Michael and I." I tease, making her roll her eyes playfully.

Being with Michael makes me feel content. I spend a lot of time loitering around his dorm and just by being by his side. I usually don't go to his poetry nights with his Goth friends, or smoke and drink black coffee late at night at a diner with them, but sometimes I like tag along, even though I stick out. A couple of times, I dressed Gothic, even though they insisted dressing as one doesn't make me Goth. However, I was pleased after catching Michael shamelessly checking me out each time.

He refuses to show any public displays of affection despite us being a longtime couple. There’s zero hand holding or calling each other pet names in front of his friends, especially around his childhood buddies Firkle, Pete, and Henrietta. His Goth authenticity is admirable, yet I can't help but want to feel like his girlfriend in public, even if it's as simple as him having his arm around me or a peck on the cheek when no one is looking.

Butters and I part from Heidi as she leaves to go on her date with her Beau. Butters offers to walk me back to my dorm which I gracefully accept. Over the years, my cute blond friend has grown from an easily picked on innocent cutie to a taller and more confident young man. He sports his signature stylish blond hair with the top of his hair longer than the close cut bottom half. Even though he’s older, I can still see his eye scar faintly visible from when Kenny threw a shuriken to his eye like a dumbass ninja.

“Thanks for walking me, Leo.” I smile, feeling safe from being escorted.

”No biggie. I’m happy when I get to spend more time with you.” He says, adjusting the text book he has gripping at his side. He gives me a sideways glance as I turn my head, watching him open his mouth.

”What is it?” I tilt my head curiously.

”So everything is fine?” He beats around the bush, playing with his fingers “Are you still happy with Michael?”

”Everything is ay okay.” I assure him. ”I’m happy.”

”I’m glad.” He moves his book to his other arm. “If he doesn’t treat you right, he’ll have to deal with Professor Chaos!”

”What would he do?” I raise my eyebrow, “sick some minion hamsters on him?”

”That’s a good idea,” he chuckles, revealing his pearly whites.

"You're such a goofball." I gently push his arm.

“I mean it though.” He tells me while no longer laughing “if he ever hurts you, tell me.”

”Okay. You will be the first to know Leo.” I smile warmly. “You’ve always been such a great friend. Don’t worry, he hasn't hurt me and he won't.” He takes in my words, dropping the subject as we stroll through the trail of trees leading us back to my dorm building.

The following week, I give Michael some well deserved space, after distracting him nonstop the last few days from his novel and his studying. Whenever we’re alone in the dorm, my need to constantly touch him makes him unable to resist his growing physical urges, as he pushes me on top of his bed. When we kiss, I detect the taste of cigarettes and bitter coffee, as he swirls his tongue hungrily around my mouth. Despite not being affectionate in public, he sure is passionate in bed. I bite his earlobe, pierced with his dangling cross earring, as he pants, licking the nape of my neck.

”W-wait you need to study.” I grip his arms as he props himself over me considering my words.

”You should have left me alone so I actually could.” He huffs, biting his lip in frustration.

”Don’t blame me!” I shout as he presses his lips over mine.

”Shut up. I can’t study when you’re ogling me from across the room.” 

“I was not.” I fight a giggle as he nuzzles his nose against mine. I pull myself up, leaning on my elbows to give his cute nose a kiss. When we’re in bed, he gives me all the love I crave from him, not caring who hears us when we get loud, especially when I scratch my nails into his back, marking him. He usually kisses me to silence my lustful cries, since Pete’s room is next to his, but he also enjoys using his large hand to cover my mouth while he makes me scream. To my embarrassment and Michael’s amusement, Pete has expressed his woes and constant suffering to us in the form of poetry one time during Goth poetry night.

A chill wakes me up, forcing me to pull the covers over my naked shoulders. I drowsily glance around me, not feeling Michael’s large warm presence. My eyes spot him reading to himself, flipping a page on his desk while the moonlight from the windows illuminates the book for him without the need for electricity. I watch him, secretly admiring his tall reading form with his unbuttoned collared shirt draped over his no longer sweaty chest and toned abdomen with his black pants worn sloppily in a lazy attempt to be dressed. I remain in my motionless position as the peaceful view lulls me to sleep with the image of my charming man.

”(Y/N). Seriously Babe, not today. This test is a large part of my grade.” He uses his cane, keeping me at a distance.

”Stingy. I can’t browse the internet on my phone while quietly sitting next to you?”

”No,” he sighs, “I’m a guy with needs. Being alone with you always makes me want fuck you senseless and I need the energy to study so scram.” He pokes me with his cane to make me back away.

”Give me a kiss first.” I demand.

”Did you hear what I just said? I don’t want to get horny right now.”

”I just want a kiss.” I whine innocently.

”A kiss is enough to arouse me, now leave babe.” He runs a hand through his sexy curls in frustration while closing his eyes. I sneak up quietly, giving him a quick smooch on the lips and run out his room, as he shouts my name.

”Oh hamburgers, so now you came to bug me instead?” Butters shakes his head, highlighting his notes from the sheets on his desk. “You could use the time to be productive, instead of annoying him.” He suggests, turning to look at me as I continue to kick my legs behind me in the air with my face resting on his pillow.

”I like how he acts when it’s the two of us but lately he’s been grouchier then usual.”

”Classes are stressful this time of the year for everybody. The Fella probably needs space.”

”I give him space but it doesn’t feel like it’s long enough for him. The more space I give him, the more love I want him to show me, but when I do finally see him, I seem to annoy the heck out of him if we're not making out.”

”It wouldn’t annoy me if my girlfriend wanted to be next to me twenty four, seven.” Butter grins at me from afar. "He's lucky."

”Goths, am I right?” I check my phone for any missed calls or texts from him, but there isn't any so I toss it away in disappointment. “By the way, Heidi told me Bebe is throwing a party at her sorority house next weekend. Are you going?”

”Depends, are you?” He asks, not looking away from his notes. I appreciate him for talking to me, even though I’m clearly intruding on his study time. 

“It might end up being crazy like the last frat party we went to.” I rub my head, remembering the awful hangover I had the following day, from the drinking contests I had with the guys. Heidi was kind enough to hold my hair back as I barfed the whole morning. Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny always manage to up their party antics to another level, forcing their neighbors to call the cops to shut down the party for noise disturbances. “At least Wendy knows how to keep it under control.”

“Great, I heard Wendy is going. Red, Lola, and Nichole will be there this time too. We should go, we haven’t seen them as much since they have to live with their sorority sisters.”

"Ah, I simp the sisterhood. I almost joined but Michael said he would disown me if I tried." I laugh, remembering his _"no way, no way"_ when I teased him about applying. "I'll invite Michael and the Goths."

”Gee are you sure? He just complained about the gathering of all the conformists infecting him with their shallow form of entertainment last time he came."

”He still went,” I smile, remembering his Goth dancing, “he’ll go if I go.”

”If you say so, but don’t complain when he refuses to dance to the mainstream music, and avoids talking to any of our friends unless they have something smart to say.”

”I’ll keep that in mind.” I chuck his pillow at him as he gets bonked from the surprised attack.

“By the way, do you all want to go to Bebe’s sorority party next weekend?” I ask the Goth gang as we sit comfortably in a dining booth past midnight. I’m keeping myself awake by drinking a piping hot cup of sweetened coffee, ignoring the nosy rude waitress who questions why we don't order any food and only come in to smoke and drink coffee.

“I rather not.” Henrietta scrolls through her phone, taping her perfectly painted black nails against her screen. “I can’t stand those high pitched, fake barbies preaching about being sisters thicker than blood, while fighting over the same fuckboys from the frat dog house. It’s like swimming in a pool of STDs, no thanks.”

”Hmm..it’s not that bad,” I cough, “they don’t all sleep around. Most of them take their organization seriously, and only want to network and make memories with their girlfriends, drama free.”

”Do you seriously believe there’s no drama in a house full of girls?” The teenage rebel Firkle lifts his eyebrows, questioning my adult judgement. “Those kind of bitches thrive in it like soul sucking vampires. They eat off each others negativity, since it keeps their like minded brains from doing something besides causing drama. They can’t comprehend the concept of thinking without being a bitch.” 

”Seriously (Y/N), sometimes you need to open your eyes.” Pete flips his black hair away from his eyes, “the only fun thing about those parties is watching those students make a fool out of themselves.”

”We should do something else, like visit the Graveyard across town.” Michael slyly suggests, declining my offer. Usually, he goes against his friends to prove a point about how much of a conformist he isn’t by disagreeing with them, but today he doesn't seem the least bit interested about convincing them otherwise.

”Graveyards are spooky.” I speak up.

”No waaay,” he says sarcastically, “have fun at your conformist party then, make sure you don’t get harassed by some dumb jock.” He states, narrowing his eyes at the thought.

”I won’t! The girls watch each other’s back, and Leo and Heidi will be there too.”

”Butters will be there?” He subtly quirks his eyebrow.

“Yeah! He’ll protect me.” I smile happy to have a friend as trustworthy as him.

“That scrawny guy can’t fight a piece of paper without getting a paper cut.” Michael grins, throwing his leg onto his thigh.

“Don’t talk badly about Leo.” I warn him. Michael takes a drink from his cup, no longer touching the subject.

I wave goodbye to Firkle and Henrietta as Pete, Michael, and I walk back to their dorm. I tend to crash with Michael when it gets too tiring to bother walking back to my dorm. I’m sure Heidi doesn’t mind having the dorm to herself, especially since I noticed an extra toothbrush in our shared restroom and some over sized clothes mixed into her laundry. She hasn’t spilled the details yet, but she and her boyfriend are definitely getting more serious with each other, according to the gossip loving Bebe.

The next day, I run to class hoping to catch a seat next to someone I know. A familiar head of red hair draws me in to squeeze into the empty seat next to him and our other two friends, one with a head of wild blond hair and another with black groomed hair.

“Morning.” Kyle smiles, greeting me first, as Stan and Kenny nod, acknowledging my entrance.

”Hey guys! Did you all do the homework?”

”We had homework?” Kenny sits up, shuffling through his backpack. “Stan, let me copy off you real fast!”

”No can do bro, I didn’t do it. I stayed late at the gym practicing for the big game.”

”Fuck!” Kenny panics “(Y/N)? Pretty please! You know how much I love you.”

”I know because you hit on me every time I see you, even though you know I’m dating Michael.”

”Still?” He scoffs, brushing it off, “you two aren’t meant for each other, too mismatched. C’mon, Kyle never lets me copy off of him.”

”Not after we got caught!” Kyle grimaces, “that was traumatizing, at least the professor was chill about it, we got off easy with just a lecture.”

”Fine. Just this once, okay Kenny?” I slid him my worksheet, making him utter sweet praises. 

“So are you really not going to the party?” Kyle disappointedly asks.

”Not this time. Michael doesn’t want to go, so I’m going to chill in my p-jays, catching up on my shows.”

”That sounds fun too,” Stan laughs, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I wish I can do that but Wendy won’t take no for an answer sometimes.”

"Dude, she has you whipped." Kenny smirks.

"Nuh uh, Bro." Stan shakes his head, refusing to admit it as he ruffles his midnight colored hair. It's straight and silky unlike my bae's. I have wondered what Michael would look outside of his usual Goth fashion, but the thought seems as sinful as imagining him naked.

”It won’t be the same without you,” Kyle says to me as the others agree.

I head to my next class, sitting near my friends Craig, Clyde, Token, Jimmy, and Tweek. I won’t be able to see all of them in the same classes once we finish our general education classes, but at least we hang out outside of school once in a while. I glance as Craig holds Tweek’s hand into his own underneath the table in front of us. Even though Craig doesn’t show much emotion, he still comforts Tweek, not caring who sees them and glares at any potential homophobic whispers. I feel a tinge of jealousy as I think back to last night when Michael moved his hand away from me, when I bumped my hand into his while trying to grab it. He wouldn’t hold my hand, even though Pete wouldn’t even bat an eyelash after the obscenities he has heard leaking from our bedroom. I barely hear Token and Jimmy joking across from me as I slide my hand into my other, squeezing it.

I tie my hair into a lazy bun, lounging on the couch in my dorm, watching my favorite adult cartoon. I check my phone to see a text from one of the girls.

Bebe: ”Girlfriend, where are you?”

Me: “I’m at home Bebae.”

Bebe: “Bitch, you better bring your sweet ass over here right now. I need a wing woman to help me get with Clyde!”

Me: “Jesus, ask Wendy instead! I already popped some popcorn.”

Bebe “Pleaseee, pretty please. I need you. Red, Nichole, Heidi, and Lola are mad at me so they won’t help me.”

Me: ”Again?! What did you do this time?”

Bebe: “Why is it always something I did?“

“Anyways, I might have forgot to mention to them that I invited all the guys to the party, teehee. They thought it was going to be girls only.”

Me: “OMG Bebae, y didn’t u tell them?”

Bebe: “They wouldn't have come otherwise!”

Me: “Okay, okay I’m coming. Is Leo already there?”

Bebe “OH EM GEE! I LOVE YOU! Butters? I don't see him.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll be there soon.”

I text Butters that I’m going to the party after all. He lets me know he’ll pick me up on the way. I put on some jeans and a black hoodie, not caring about my clothes, but I put some effort into making my make up look good. Opening the door, I’m pleasantly surprised to see Butters in a casual grey jacket unzipped, revealing a blue customized Team Butters t-shirt paired with black skinny jeans.

”Wow Leo! Looking good, were you planning to get lucky tonight?” I tease, locking my door. "When did you get that shirt? I want one!"

”I'm getting you one for your birthday.” He smiles, “I ditched my date to go to the party with you.”

”Why would you do that?” I gasp, feeling apologetic. “You should have stayed with them.” He shrugs his shoulders.

”Some of the fellas set me up with her but she isn’t my type.” He says, subtly checking me out. I don’t feel fazed since I did the same to him a moment ago.

”Maybe you’ll meet someone better at the party,” I nudge him with my elbow playfully.

”Golly I sure hope so.” He lets out a dreamy sigh. We can hear the music and cheering before we even see the house. Some couples are spread out on the lawn, dancing to the beat of the music or making out without a care in the world out in the open. We ignore them, making our way into the house. The moment I come through the door, an excited Bebe grabs me by the arm dragging me away from Butters. I manage to spy some familiar faces including Jimmy and Dovahkiin on the way upstairs.

”What took you so long?” She cries dramatically. She’s wearing a mini dress with high heels, accentuating all her curves.

”Wow, you look amazing!” I eye her as she spins. 

”I do but what the heck are you wearing?” She rummages through her closet, throwing me a skirt and a low cut top.

”No.” I refuse immediately.

”Please! I need you to distract the guys around them. Clyde looks fine as Hell today. I’m going to make him mine by the end of the night!” She proclaims, wiggling in her dress.

”You don’t have to try so hard, everyone can see he already likes you.” 

“Y-you think?” She blushes, combing his blond curly hair to the side. “Why hasn’t he said anything then?”

"Maybe because you're constantly surrounding by all those drooling fuckboys."

”Guess I’ll have to make the first move.” She giggles while scheming to herself. I take off my clothes, slipping on the black skirt she begs me to wear, but I replace her choice for another top, opting for a plain white t shirt instead.

When we leave the room, I have to swallow my imaginative barf as some guys whistle, catching a glimpse of Bebe and I. Her fanboys crowd around us as they begin throwing lame pick up lines. I attempt to humor them to draw their attention away from Bebe, so she can avoid their uninvited manhandling.

"Clyde!" Bebe calls out to him sweetly as his eyes make their way from her heels to the curls on her head.

"Wow." He rubs his neck, taking in her appearance. She grabs him away, pulling him from the group as he stumbles after her.

"Good luck Clyde!" I give him a thumbs up as he shoots me back a finger gun. I wave to Team Craig, hoping they can save me from this group of guys I wish to be far from. They take the hint as Craig comes up from behind, placing his hand on a guys‘ shoulder lightly, moving him to the side. Tweek grabs my hand, flinching and pulls me away to their group. "Thanks." I fold my arms feeling the heebie jeebies as the guys stare daggers in our direction.

"Ack those guys can't take a hint. B-by the way you GYA look g-great!" Tweek compliments me as Craig hands him his beverage to share.

"Y-you weren't w-wearing those c-c-c-clothes when I s-saw you earlier." Jimmy takes a drink out of his cup while looking at me.

"Yeah, Bebe made me change to distract everyone so she can sneak off with Clyde" I chuckle. "Where's Token?"

"He getting some snacks with Nichole and the others in the kitchen." Craig motions in the direction with his head. I saunter over there, spying my friends from South Park High.

"Nichole! Lola! Red! Wendy!" I skip to them as they jump from excitement when they see me. They hug me, squealing at my outfit. Heidi joins in the excitement, handing me a drink.

"Oh my God, you look hot." Nichole scans me.

"Bebe," is all I say for them to understand me.

"Geez, I had to make Stan run and grab more food since she didn't budget enough food for the amount of people she invited." Wendy sighs.

"Is Michael here with you?" Lola asks, searching behind me.

"No, he didn't want to come."

"What? I saw him earlier." Red eyes widens, "he brought some Goths with him too."

"What?" I gasp.

"Maybe he came to surprise you." Token offers a reasonable explanation. I bump into Team Stan, avoiding Kenny's grabby hands, as I look for my boyfriend. Kyle and Stan greet me, happy to see that I could make it, and I casually remark for Cartman to say hi to Heidi in the kitchen. He rolls his eyes but makes his way to the kitchen for some food, or so he says. I spy for my tall significant other, knowing it wouldn’t be hard to miss him. Henrietta and Pete are here along with some other Goths I have yet to meet. Michael is chatting to a Goth lady I don’t recognize, as she casually places her hand on his arm, while they talk. I notice a second has passed and he still hasn't brushed her hand away.

"Michael?" I call out as he straightens up slightly startled. He glances at the unknown woman before turning to me.

"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same question, Mikey." He hates being called Mikey. He leaves the mystery lady, taking my hand to leas me upstairs into a bedroom. Luckily, there isn't anyone fucking like rabbits. He locks the door, pushing me gently against it. Giving me no escape, he caves me in with his arm over my head, leaning close to me.

"Why are you dressed like that?" He eyeballs my body, tugging at my shirt with his other hand.

"Bebe."

"I thought you were at home. Are you here with Butters?"

"I came last minute." I fold my arms, putting an obstacle between us. "He's here but we got separated. Who was that woman?"

"Nobody." He quickly responds.

"She didn't look like nobody when she was touching you." I hiss, feeling jealous. “She looked like she was flirting with you.”

"It's not like that. We met some new friends at a bar and invited them to get some free drinks."

"Why were you at a bar?" I interrogate him, feeling more and more confused.

"Poetry night at an underground bar.” He says, brushing his fingers through my hair as he continues checking me out. "We were going to go to the cemetery but changed our minds."

"I see." I say, biting my lip, still not feeling quite satisfied.

"Don't bite your lip." He pulls my chin up as he studies them.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have came here with you."

"Spur of the moment thing, it wasn't important."

"You knew I wanted to go." I pull my chin away from his hand.

"It isn’t a big deal." He sweeps my complaint under the rug. "You look sexy,” he flirtatiously licks his lips.

"You're always like this."

"Like what?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"When I'm unhappy, you think it's not a big deal."

"What? You're unhappy? About what?" He anxiously peers into eyes.

”You don’t like when I want to be around you, unless we’re fucking, and it feels like you’re embarrassed by me or something. I bet your new Goth friends wouldn't expect someone like me to be your girlfriend." I pout.

"So? They haven't asked and who doesn’t want to fuck their lover? I’m not embarrassed of you, you just don’t come up.”

"You should introduce me."

"Why? I don't think I want to introduce you while you're looking like this." He shakes his head, moving away from me.

"Are you ashamed I’m not Goth like you? You said I look sexy." 

"You do but I don't want them to think I'm with some wannabe barbie doll. This isn't like you."

"What’s not like me? I'm not Goth."

"Obviously." He states, sighing. “You’re getting too worked up over nothing.”

"Do you want me to be?"

"I love you the way you are." He mumbles.

"You're contradicting yourself."

"Fine. I'm tired (Y/N)." He shrugs, talking a step back.

"Of what?" I say before my volume drops to a whisper, "of me?"

"Yeah. We've been together for so long, I can't help it. Everything you do has been so annoying lately. I need my space but you won't even give me that."

"Is this because of that woman downstairs? What do you think of her?“

"She's the ideal Goth girl." He admits, not sparing my feelings, “she’s different. You’re nothing like her.”

"What do you want me to do?"

"To stop suffocating me." He confesses. "You're so goddamn clingy, but I stopped telling you that since you got offended every time I bring it up." My eyes tear up, hearing his words. They sting more than I thought they would. "I just, we need to have a break, or take some time off from each other...or something." He mutters, avoiding my eyes.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No. We just need a break from each other. You need to focus on school more and I need time for myself."

"You need a break from me. How are you not breaking up with me?" I feel anger welling up inside me. "Why didn't you tell me before you started to resent me?"

"I don't resent you. Babe, you know I'm crazy about you."

"Are you, really?" I look up to him, wiping my tears from my eyes. His eyes waver seeing my expression.

”I don’t know. I need to figure it out in my own but I can’t do it when you’re always around me.” He responds and I unlock the door behind me, glaring at him through my tears. I rush out avoiding anyone's gaze to grab my clothes and go. When I reach Bebe's room, I can hear her giggling and Clyde talking so I don't bother opening the door, as I stand there not knowing what to do. I feel like everything is closing in on me. A hang grabs my arm, forcing me to turn around.

"(Y/N) I was looking all over for you," Butters smiles before seeing my tear stained cheeks and smeared makeup. He notices my arm shaking in his hand. "W-what’s wrong?"

"Can you take me home?" I whisper to him. He takes me hand without me needing to utter another word, as he leads me through the crowd. We ignore our friends calling out to drink with them. The cold air hits me immediately and Butters takes off his jacket to cover my shoulders. The music and cheering fades as we walk further away from the party and from Michael. Butters doesn't ask me any questions, waiting for me to speak first. When we reach my dorm, I invite him inside knowing that Heidi is still at the party.

"(Y/N)?"

I turn to Butters as he fiddles with his hand anxiously.

"What happened?"

"Michael wants to take a break from me.” I drop onto the coach, digging my hands into my hair. "What if it's permanent?" I cover my face into my arms.

"He broke up with you?" His barely audible question is enough to make me cry.

"Maybe.” I utter a small sob. Butters takes his cue to sit next to me, pulling my face into his chest, as I cry onto his Team Butters shirt. He strokes my head, allowing me to soak his shirt. “He’s tired of me.”

”He hurt you.” Butters whispers, holding me tight.

”I said he wouldn’t and I was wrong.” I cry harder into his shirt. “I’m so stupid. It’s all my fault.”

”It’s not your fault.” He soothes me, putting his chin on top of my head as my sobs shake my shoulders. “Give him some time and talk to him again after he cools off.” I nod, listening to the sound of his angelic voice telling me the things I wish to hear from Michael instead.

Two weeks go by and my anxiety heightens. Michael hasn’t reach out to me and neither has our mutual friends, Pete, Henrietta, or Firkle. No phone calls or texts from my maybe ex boyfriend. Heidi urges me to get some answers from him so I’m not stuck in limbo. Butters waits outside the dorm building, as I knock Pete’s and Michael’s entrance, waiting for someone to answer. Pete cracks the door almost shutting it in my face when he sees me.

”What are you doing here (Y/N)?” He flips his long bangs out of his eyes as I push the door open. He looks like he just took a shower, his red dyed over black hair is damp. I take a step inside, heading straight to Michael’s room. My heart is pounding too fast for me to want to stop and chat with my friend, as he warns me not to go to Michael. I ignore his warning as I knock on Michael’s door, but before I turn the doorknob, I hear his voice.

”For fuck’s sake Pete, leave us alone.” Michael yells behind the door. ‘ _Us_?’

“M-Michael?” I speak, hearing his quick stomps before pulling the door open.

”(Y/N)?” A shirtless Michael stands before me, widening his usually calm eyes. I can see a woman sleeping, revealing her legs beneath the covers on his bed. Her clothes are strung along the ground. I recognize her as the Goth lady from the party. Talking a step back, my heart and body processes everything, before my brain does. “(Y/N),” he reaches a hand out to me and I turn, bumping into Pete. Pete stops in his tracks when he sees Michael and the woman waking up from his bed.

”(Y/N)!” Pete grabs my arm and I shake him off. He lets go of my arm when he sees my expression. I ran out the dorm building, running past Butters.

“(Y/N)!” Butters runs after me. I don’t stop, I run to my dorm with him chasing after me. When I reach my dorm, unlocking it, I throw myself to the ground sobbing. Butters catches his breath, patting my back as I begin to wail and cough from the lack of air in my chest. He carries me to my bed, rubbing my arm until I cry myself to sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night to Butters sleeping on a chair beside my bed. He must have fallen asleep watching over me. My wet pillow and tear stained cheeks remind me why my heart feels torn and ripped to shreds. Butters wakes up in the dark room to the sound of my muffled sobbing. He comes to my bed and I throw my arms over his shoulders as he rubs my back “There, there, little Buddy.”

”We’re over.” I cry, “he already moved on.”

”I’m so sorry.” Butters looks at me with tears in his eyes. “I never wanted to see you get hurt.”

”Everyone was right. We weren’t supposed to be together.“ My tears stream, stinging my raw swollen eyes. He hugs me,ntrying to soothe me.

After lying lifelessly in my bed as the sun burns my eyes, I unlock my phone to see many notifications. I received texts from all my friends who heard about the break up through word of mouth. My fears are confirmed when I see Michael tagged in a candid photo, by someone I didn’t know, with his new Goth girlfriend with his arm around her waist and a cigarette in his mouth. Even in my bitterness, I could see they suited each other and no one would question if they were compatible or not. I don’t bother responding to any voicemails, messages, or texts. My heart is heavy. I’m drowning in the weight of losing the man I thought would never hurt me to a woman who is so unlike me. I want to distract myself from this heartache. 

I think of something drastic to help distract myself from the pain. I ignore the knock on my bedroom door and whoever it is opening it. Pete releases an audible gasp when he catches me in my act while sitting on the floor.

”What the fuck (Y/N)?” He shouts, dropping his phone on the ground as he approaches me cautiously observing me hovering a razor in my sweaty hand over my mutilated wrist. He sneaks closer, noticing the cuts on my wrists are only shallow wounds.

”I can’t even cut myself right.” I choke, clumsily pressing the razor against my bare skin. He bends to his knees, pulling me into a hug.

”Stop.” He firmly demands.

“I can’t. It hurts so much.” I begin to cry as he holds me tightly, not saying anything else.

”Don’t do this to yourself.”

”I want to forget the pain.”

”Forget Michael. He fucked up, choosing some basic bitch over you.” He seethes though his teeth. He pulls me from his chest to gaze at my face. Her stares at me, contemplating his next words before speaking. “Love me instead.”

“What?” I shake, dropping the razor to the floor. I didn’t expect those words.

”Fall in love with me.” He says more confidently, peering into my eyes through his bangs.

”Pete? What are you saying?” I grab my bloody wrist with my hand, pulling away from him.

”Do you know how painful it was, having to hear my best friend fuck the girl I fell in love with over the years, after spending so much time with her? It’s a fucking nightmare.” His voice breaks.

”Pete?” I tear up in confusion. “You can’t. I love Michael...h-he’s your best friend.”

”I know. I decided not to tell either of you how much I fucking love you. I had to watch as he pushed you away in public and never bragged about having you as his girlfriend. I would do anything to be in his position and treat you differently.” He combs his long bangs away from his eyes with his fingers. “I can’t stop feeling this way about you and now you two aren’t together anymore. Fall in love with me instead.”

“I’m sorry.“ I respond, wiping my bloody hand to my shirt. “I love you as a friend and I never want to get in between your friendship.”

”He moved on. You should to.”

”I’m not ready to. Can’t you see Pete? I’m not like him. I never was. He’s different from me. He could move on so easily, but I can’t and I don’t want to, not yet.” I wipe my wet cheeks, sniffling.

”If I had spoken to you first that day, would you have fallen for me instead?” He asks with a pained expression. He must be referring to the day I met the Goths when I asked for directions and Michael helped before anyone else could.

”I don’t know, that’s in the past.” 

”Everyday, since I felt this way about you, I wished it was me who talked to you first instead of him.” He says, staring into my eyes. “He only accepted your confession because we teased him about you potentially liking him. We said it would never work between you two and you know how he is.“ He balls his hands into fists in frustration, “he has to show us, how he could go against what everyone expects, because how fucking nonconformist he is.“ 

“Why are you telling me this?” I raise my voice, covering my ears.

”I want you to move on from him, he didn’t love you.” He tells me in anguish. “At least, not at the beginning.”

”I’m sorry.” I grip my throbbing wrist, “I can’t love you.” He gapes his mouth after the words leave my mouth. He drops his gaze to the ground, before grabbing my razor and his phone, storming out of the room.

I stay in my room, refusing to get out of bed and go to school, while Heidi leaves me snacks and drinks in my room before going to class. I can’t speak to her without crying, so she has been sitting by my side, listening to sad love songs with me while holding my hand. Butters comes by everyday to check up on me in the morning, at night, and between long breaks during classes. He manages to drag me out of bed to shower and to eat, while anxiously listening to me process the reality between Michael and I. I shift from missing Michael to being angry at him to wallowing in self pity.

I hear Butters manage to convince Heidi to go on the weekend trip her boyfriend planned for her before my breakup. She hesitantly leaves but not before giving me a long hug. He sits beside me on my bed as I drape my blanket over my head. I have been hiding my scabby wrist under long sleeves.

“I can’t imagine a future without Michael right now. I always thought we would be together. Going to school, graduating, working, maybe getting married, and having kids.” I bring my free arm to my face, sobbing into my sleeve. Butters gently brings my hand into his own, while caressing it with his other hand.

”I know. I want you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.” He says before I realize his choice of words. ”(Y/N), I need to tell you the truth. I love you.” He tells me straight to my face. “I have been in love with you since high school. I want you. I’m sorry, I know I’m selfish for telling you all this right now, but I‘ll wait as long as it takes for you to want me as much as I want you.” I grip his hand, beginning to feel my tears fall down my cheeks onto my clothes.

”I’m s-sorry Leo,” I gasp between sobs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, even though you’re my best friend.”

”I know.” He tells me, grabbing my hand. He’s always been with me long before I even met Michael. I don’t know if I could ever feel the same way he does for me, but at this moment, I’m scared my rejection will make him leave me too.

Butters continues to visit me everyday, making sure I get out of bed to take a shower and eat some food. He deactivates my social media accounts temporarily, after catching me staring at the picture with his new girlfriend. My salted wounds can’t deepen if I can’t cyber stalk him.

“You need to eat.” Butters proclaims, pushing a plate of food in front of me. I shake my head, pushing it away. ”I don’t want you to starve to death. Please.” He takes a seat beside me, grabbing my hand. I look up from the plate, almost startled, to see the pain in Butter’s pretty blue eyes. If I didn’t have the food to distract me, I would have cried from seeing how distressed he looked. He must have not been sleeping properly. I cave in, bringing a spoonful of food to my mouth, chewing and swallowing too fast which makes me choke. He hands me a glass of water as I gulp it down. ”There, there.” I glance at him to see a relieved expression from my attempt to finally eat. My heart warms up seeing his bunny smile.

"Holy macaroni! (Y/N)! Do you want to watch your favorite cartoon? A new season is up!” He excitedly shouts from the couch. I drag my feet, sitting comfortably beside him, resting my head on his shoulder to answer his question. His cute laugh tickles my ears as I inhale his sweet scent. It’s different from Michael's but it’s calming and familiar. I find myself nuzzling my face into his shoulder to take a better whiff. “(Y-Y/N)?” Butters drops the remote, shifting to look at me but I continue to cuddle into him. He takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around me, bringing him closer. I can feel his breath heat up against my ear, making my body throb with wanting to feel more. When I raise my head, Butters stares into my eyes blushing furiously. His eyes are asking me million questions. I answer a few of them by leaning in to softly press my lips against his, wanting to know what his lips feel like. I pull my blushing face, dropping my gaze.

"Sorry." I mutter.

”Why are you sorry?” He asks, clearing his throat.

“I want to want you like how you want me, but I can’t stop myself from being in love with Michael.” I confess, balling his shirt into my hands against his chest. “I’m so selfish. I can’t stop thinking about Michael but I don’t want to lose you too. I need you so much right now.” A tear rolls down my cheek. Butters brings his hand to my cheek, wiping my tear away with his thumb.

”You’re not the only one. I’m selfish too. I’m not the innocent little boy you met when we were kids. I have a selfish request. Would you grant it?”

”What is it?” I whisper with a nod.

“Will you let me make love to you tonight? I want to show you, how much I want you.” He stops his thumb on my cheek, checking my eyes for an answer. “I don't want you to think I'm trying to take advantage of you while you might be rebounding, but I can’t lie to you and say I don't want you right now.” His voice trembles in response to my silence.

”I’m not innocent either,” I close my eyes. rubbing my cheek against his hand. “I should say no but I won’t. I want to forget Michael, even if it’s only for tonight.” His eyes widen, as he slowly registers my words, unsure of what to do next. I take the initiative, sitting up to kiss him. His hand trembles as he places his hand from my cheek down to my fists gripping his shirt. His lips kiss me slowly as if he’s scared I will change my mind any moment. When I deepen the kiss, he gains more confidence, before pulling away to double check my face for any doubt I might have, before proceeding any further.

I lay my back in the couch, pulling him on top of me. I need this as much as he does. I can feel him press himself between my legs as his kiss becomes more desperate. We run our hands under each others' shirts. I don’t take the time to admire how soft and warm his skin feels, I want him inside me, right here and right now. Sensing my urgency, he doesn’t bother taking off his pants all the way after throwing his shirt to the ground. I shudder from the way he stares at me as he pulls out a condom out of his wallet, while observing me as I pull up my shirt and bra over my chest and wiggle off my shorts. He clumsily tears the condom packet, while licking his lips, watching me spread myself for him ready to welcome him.

I wake up almost startled by the naked chest in front of me. After having a round on the couch, we collected our stuff to my room, cuddling in my bed before having a round two. I didn’t know Butters had it in him to be honest. He’s always surprising me. I smile, pushing myself closer to his chest. He pulls me closer with his arm, not opening his eyes.

”Good.” He chuckles weakly, “you’re still here.”

”Why would I leave? It’s my own room.” I giggle, feeling his chest move up and down from a dry laugh. He rubs his chin on top of my head, inhaling the scent of my hair. I hear him licking his dry lips before speaking.

”Do you regret what we did last night?” 

I hear his poor attempt to keep his voice steady.

“No.” I tell him. “Do you?” I look up from his chest.

”No. I won't regret it as long as you are okay with what we did.” He admits, covering his eyes with his arm. “I wanted to that with you for so long.”

”Last night, I think my body knew before I did.”

”Knew what?” 

“How compatible we are.” I tell him shyly. His breathing hitches for a second as he throws off his arm to look at me. “When we started making out, every time my mind almost wandered to Michael, you made it so I can only think about you.”

“I cheated.” He sighs. “I don’t want you to have sex with me to forget Michael.”

”It was like that at the beginning, but nothing about you is like Michael. You’re scent, the way you kiss me, the way you say my name.” I begin to blush. “The way you make love to me. It’s clumsier and less experienced than Michael but you treat sex with me like you want to make me feel good with you, instead of relieving your pent up lust for me.” I crawl over him, brushing my hair behind my ear away from his face. “I’m not good for you Butters. You’re too good for me.”

“That’s not true. You’re the one who's too good for me. I’m not enough for you.”

”It’s me whose not enough.”

”Geez (Y/N). I loved you since we were kids and I love you now. I’m not going to let you go, once I finally have you.” He stares into my eyes, not allowing me to escape his serious gaze. I feel my cheeks burn up as I feel him harden against my thigh. He looks away, muttering an apology for ruining the moment.

”It’s okay.” I grab his hand, putting it in on my bare chest. “We can have a round three if you want.” He pops his eyes out in shock before immediately rolling me on my back.

I finally started going back to my classes. Team Stan and Team Craig were nice enough to keep me updated since my disappearance. I'm only a little behind each class since I managed to email my assignments to my professors. I gaze up to the sky from beneath the trees on my dirt path. The sun rays peek at me, between the fluttering leaves of the thick branches, making me feel relaxed. I'm starting to feel a bit more calm and peaceful, at least, that's what I thought, until I notice a tall figure leaning against a tree beyond my trail. He appears to be waiting for someone and he turns his head when he notices my presence. Michael drops the cigarette he's smoking, putting it out with his shoe. I speed up, walking past him to get away.

“(Y/N).” His familiar deep voice makes my heart involuntarily quicken. “Can we talk?” I cautiously turn my body to his direction.

“About what?” I respond, not stepping any closer. He walks a few steps towards me.

”Us.”

”There’s no _us_ to talk about. You made that perfectly clear.”

“I made a mistake!” He practically shouts, stopping within arms length before me. “I made a mistake.” He repeats as the gravity of his words hit me.

”What?” I can’t believe it. Michael is admitting he made a mistake, he’s normally not this forward about being wrong with me. He would make up for his mistakes by action.

”The woman is my mistake. She isn't you.”

”Isn't she the ideal Goth girlfriend?” I force myself to remain calm, not wanting to show him his words are having an effect on me. “You said I’m nothing like her.”

”Yeah. You can never be her because you're you. I want you. I don’t want some generic Goth girl. I thought I did but I want the (Y/N) who clings by my side, watching me read my novels. The (Y/N) who would finds any excuse to see me p, even if it’s just to stare at me from afar. The (Y/N) who looks at me with so much love and desire for me, that I have to think about her to get off, when I'm in bed with the other girl, because it’s not you I’m fucking!” Michael bursts, losing his cool.

”Are you still together with her?”

”I won’t be, if you will be my girlfriend again."

"I don't trust you anymore. I didn't know, you going on break meant you were going to be fucking other women."

"It wasn't my intention but we were on break.”

"You’re the one who decided to go on break. Do you know how much you hurt me?” I tear up, feeling the emotions I have been successfully suppressing thanks to Butters, begin to reemerge. "You don’t even know what you want. Why are you still with her if you want me? You’re so half assed. I’m going to forget you, let me forget you." I rush away, not wanting to hear anything more from him.

Heidi convinces me to join her to another party. I begrudgingly go to help myself forget the burn Michael has left on me. Going through my accessories, I find the other half of the pair of cross earrings Michael wears. There’s remnants of him everywhere in my room and in my life. He won’t let me move on. I find a jean skirt and a thin red sweater. Heidi’s boyfriend picks us up in his car to go the party and he advises us not to get too crazy, since we still have morning classes to get to.

When we enter the house, I immediately notice the man with red on black hair, brushing his bangs out of his eyes, leaning against the wall while talking to some friends. Pete turns his head, locking eyes with me, immediately. Suddenly, I find myself wanting to leave the party. If he’s here then Michael must be close by. Pete doesn’t break his gaze from me and neither do I. I walk past him through the flock of people playing drinking games to chug down a cup of alcohol quickly, not bothering to savor the taste. After a few dances with Heidi, I head up the stairs, catching Pete's eyes with mine. I maintain my gaze as he dodges his friends casually following after me. I stand in front of an empty restroom, leaving the door open for him to get inside. He takes the hint, stepping inside with his boots and locking the door behind him.

”Hey,” I greet him through his reflection in the mirror.

”Hey.” He responds with a deep voice. “Are you taking care of yourself?”

”If you mean, did I stop cutting myself? Then yes.” I turn to face him with my hands against the sink. “You took my only razor.”

”I miss you.” Pete takes a step closer to me, flipping his bangs out of his eyes.

“I miss you too.” I smile at him faintly. “I’m sorry for never noticing your feelings.”

“I kept it a secret because my one sided feelings wasn’t worth losing you or Michael, but now you two aren’t together. Can you give us a shot?”

”I’m still in love with Michael but we were too different, just like how you and I both are too. I can’t trust him to not hurt me again and I don’t want to be put in a position to be hurt again. You may love me now but what about in the long run? It’s not worth it.” I bite my lip, holding back tears. “I’m not Goth.”

“I didn’t fall in love with you because you are Goth. We all know you aren’t. If you want to forget about this without even trying then so be it. I won’t force you to love me.” His wavering tone and faltering expression pricks my heart repeatedly.

“I’ll try to forget, just like how I’m trying to forget Michael.”

“Do you think you can?”

“Eventually.” I whisper as he moves closer to hold my hand, pulling my sleeve up. He checks my wrists.

“I’m glad, no new cuts and your old ones won’t become scars either.” He brings my wrists to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on them.

“I’ll forget my feelings for you one day, they’ll fade like these cuts.”

“Okay,” I nod, wiping my tears with my other hand. “Thank you, Pete.” We stare at each other with small smiles, gracing our lips.

”We’re alone right now.“ He breathes out and I nod in response. “We can both never talk about this ever again once we walk out this door.”

“Yeah.” I quietly respond as the loud party music vibrates from outside. He opens his mouth, hesitant to say the next words, and my heart pounds hoping to hear confirmation to what we're possibly mutually feeling.

“Can we...“

“Just this once,” I eagerly interrupt, knowing what he wants since I want the same thing as well. He takes one small step to bend over to me while we peer into each other’s eyes. Without breaking eye contact, we kiss gently for the first time. I close my eyes, savoring his lips as he continues moving from my bottom to the side p, as he angles his head left and right, taking all of my lips in every possible way. I slide my hands over his shoulders into his soft hair, kissing him harder. A small moan escapes me, encouraging him to continue. When we pull our lips apart, he reflects the same expression I do with tears gathering in our eyes.

“Don’t cry, you’ll smudge your eyeliner.“ I tearfully tease him, lowering my hands to his shoulders.

“It’s waterproof.” He smirks, wrapping his arms around my waist. We don’t separate from each others' embrace as I press myself against him with our face inching closer. “What do you want me to do?” He breathes with his hot breathe lingering on my lips.

”Me.” I mouth to him as he crashes his lips into mines, no longer needing to hold back. He slowly pushes me against the wall and I take the opportunity to jump on top of him as he catches me from my bottom. I take off my top in between kisses, as he pushes himself between my legs, hiking up my skirt. He leaves a trail of small wet bites from my shoulder to my neck as I grasp onto the shirt on his back. He sucks in between bites on the nape of my neck, making me moan out his name.

Pete throws the used condom into the trash bin, catching his breathe. He helps me fix my clothes as we try to steady our exerted bodies. I give him a quick kiss on his cheek as he pulls down my shirt. He catches me off guard, leaning in for a warm embrace.

”I’ll forget about this someday.” He says, rubbing his face into the crook of my neck. He feels me nod against his shoulder, making him hug me tighter. “I’ll forgot how you felt and how you called my name.”

“I’ll forget too.” I squeeze his shirt. “I won’t forget how fun it was when we stayed out late in those diners making the waitress angry.“

“Yeah or when we went to get coffee in the middle of the night, studying for dumb tests. We should do it again someday. Firkle and Henrietta will like that.“ He hums, letting go of my body. 

“Me too, I would like that.” I close my eyes as he places a kiss on my forehead. He pulls away, unlocking the door.

”Let’s go.” He holds his hand out for me and I grab it as we step out the door, leaving our intimate moment behind.

Months go by and I receive a text from Michael asking if we can talk. I agree to talk to him on the condition that Butters can come with. He agrees, setting a convenient time for all of us. I see Michael standing against a tree, despite there being a bench a few feet away from him. When he sees me I nudge, Butters for him to give us some time alone. 

“Just yell if you need me Buddy.” Butters says then heads in a random direction, knocking his knuckles nervously together. I walk to Michael, taking a deep breathe.

“It’s good to see you again.” Michael tells me, pulling his hands out of his black coat.

”Mhm.” I wait for him to talk, brushing strands of hair away from my face.

“When we were in high school, everyone said you weren’t my type and I agreed with them. I told myself I would just be a shitty conformist that just does whatever everyone expects from me if I did what they expect, so dating you was my way to rebel against it and I liked it." He confesses full of guilt. "I didn't expect to fall madly in love with you in the end.”

”I assume that’s what happened, after everything.” I reveal to him. “I’m not surprised, just a little disappointed.”

”I want to be honest with you.” He slides his hand into his coat, pulling out a cigarette.

”I heard you didn’t smoke anymore.”

”Who told you that?” He plays with the stick between his fingers, peering into my eyes.

”Henrietta.”

”I don’t.” He pulls out a lighter. “I kept one in my pocket today, just in case.” The winds blows as he flicks his lighter, bringing the flickering flame to his cigarette. I walk over to him, shielding his fire from the wind cupping my hands together around it. He stares at my face as he successfully lights his cigarette. I swing my hands behind my back, remembering when he first offered me a cigarette as soon as he accepted my confession back then. His eyes show he's reminiscing as well.

_**Flashback** :_

_”I don’t smoke. You know that.” I remind the tall teen._

_”No waay.” He says, waiting for me to say sike._

_“Yes way.”_

_“That’s not Goth.”_

_“I’m not Goth and you shouldn’t smoke either.” I put my hands on my waist, nagging him._

_“Crap. It hasn't even been a full minute since we started dating and you're already trying to change me. Should I back out while I still have the chance?” He chuckles, withdrawing the stick held out to me._

_“Too late.” I laugh, “I promise I won’t try to change you. I like you the way you are, even if you do end up getting getting lung disease.”_

_“Good. Is it even worth it if I’m not risking death?” He smirks, bringing his cigarette to his lips. I walk up to him, hovering my hands over his lighter so that the wind doesn't blow it out._

_**End of Flashback** _

“Why did you quit smoking?“

“You didn’t like it. I thought you might come back if I stopped.“ He shrugs as if it was easy, despite it always having been a part of him. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

“I can‘t be with you, not again.

He nods having accepted my feelings beforehand.

“Will you be okay?”

“Yes.” His expression tells me he’s not sure but he doesn’t verbalize it. “I’m sorry for dating you to prove a useless point and for pushing you away in the end.”

“If you hadn’t said yes, we would have never gone out.” I hold myself, feeling no regrets about my confession. “I was happy with you. Thank you.” I speak to him sincerely, wanting to express my gratitude.

“Me too. Even though I was an idiot and didn’t know it all that time. I was happy being loved by you. Thank you.” He tears up, exposing to me his heavily shielded vulnerability. I swallow, refusing to cry.

“You're smart, you won’t make the same mistake twice.”

“I won’t.” He takes a deep drag out of his cigarette, refusing to blink as if I will disappear out of his sights. Butters strolls nearby, singing a little song to himself.

“I’m back.” He beams at me, “bye Mikey.” Butters casually ends our intimate conversation.

”Bye Leotard,” Michael exhales with smoke leaving his lips. Michael looks at me wanting to prolong our reunion, “You look happy.”

”I am.”

He cracks a small smile, leaving a trail of smoke behind him as he walks away. I turn to Butters who holds a look of fear and uncertainty.

_**Flashback:** _

_“Leo! Guess what? Michael said yes!” I jump, grabbing his arms in celebration. His eyes widen in shock._

_“He did?” He’s frozen stiff as I excitedly squeal next to him while practically hopping._

_“Yes!”_

_“C-congrats!” He places his hands over my hands, gripping his arms. “Are you happy?”_

_”So happy!” I sing, practically dancing off my feet._

_**End Flashback** _

“Are you happy without Michael?” His eyes glistens, reflecting a watery image of me.

”Yes.”

_**Flashback:** _

_“I‘m glad but if he ever hurts you, I’m stealing you away.”_

_“What?” I laugh, “yeah right, Michael is a handsome devil but not a literal one. You’ll just say you told me so if he does.”_

_“Nuh uh!” He gasps in offense “I’ll do you a favor and marry you so you won’t get your heart broken ever again.”_

_“If you say so.” I smile to him. “But what if you break my heart too, Leo?”_

_“I would never!” He storms off as I catch up to him, grabbing his arm to my chest,_

_“Fine.” I giggle “I’ll be Mrs. (Y/N) Stotch.”_

_**End Flashback** _

“Do you remember when I said I would marry you if Michael ever hurt you?”

I stop walking looking at him anxiously with my heart beating rapidly in my chest. “Leo?”

“Because I don’t.” He smirks, teasing me.

”Leo!” I lightly push him away, making him return to me with a big hug, lifting me off my feet.

“I’ll wait for you to fall in love with me.”

”What if I move on with someone else?”

”I’ll have to call my little Buddy, Professor Chaos, to make a visit.”

”How hot is he on rate my professor?”

”Geez (Y/N).” He sighs, holding my hand, not caring who sees.


End file.
